“Step up and go.”
This is famed JH route-setter @gregorflee’s go-to directive when a climbing partner wavers on lead. Though he says it with love, as climbing motivation ‘step up and go’ works well because it’s both a subtle denunciation of your cowardice and the only step-by-step plan that’s going to work.
Back in our J Tree and Indian Creek days, Miles often recommended I step up and go. We haven’t roped up in a long while, but I still hear these words when faced with a big, scary climb. Or a vast, cold lake.
In late August of 2015, I first did the #Moronic, sibling picnic to the #Moranic. I never really hyped it. At the time I was more excited to write about the famous plane wreck from 1950 I passed en route. But the Moronic is … legit.
The basics: bike from the Jackson town square to Colter Bay on Jackson Lake (40 miles), swim from Colter Bay to Mt. Moran (4.2 miles), ascend Moran via the NE Ridge (5,800 ft. Vert, 3 miles), descend, swim back to Colter Bay, ride back to town. I don’t think anyone has repeated the Moronic; I hope someone does, I think they’ll see why it’s my favorite picnic in the Tetons. In my book, swimming across Jackson Lake to Mt. Moran is as epic as it gets.
The 47-mile bike ride from town to Colter Bay is fuggin splendid, as you parallel the Teets from their southern ramparts to the central hoary-headed fathers to the northern giants on the lake. On hot afternoons you can take advantage of anabatic winds blowing up valley and get a push the whole way. Once at Colter Bay, stash your bike, walk to the first beach to the south, wriggle into your wetsuit, and plunge into the greatest swimming hole on Earth.
Swim out of Colter Bay with the almost certain accompaniment of fully-zinced tourists in rented sea kayaks, cross Little Mackinaw Bay (1.25 miles), then enjoy .8 miles of open water to the east shore of Elk Island. Attach something bright, metallic and reflective on the dry bag you’re towing so boat captains see you long before they reach you. Walk across the edenic island to its west end, and swim an exciting 1.4 miles across Jackson Lake’s main channel to the peninsula on the south shore that forms Bearpaw Bay.
Cross Bearpaw Bay (.7 miles), the ultimate hero swim as you stroke straight for the Mordor-like bulk of Moran. Then be humbled by the heinous bushwhack to the Skillet Creek basin. Here, refill water bottles and veer northwest on a steep grass slope until you’re on the NE ridge, then head up past the famous plane wreck, the walking turning to scrambling turning to a few exposed fifth class moves that land you on top. Celebrate. Descend carefully. Bushwhack back to the lake. Swim back via Elk Island to Colter Bay, retrieve your bike, and rest your bum on your new picnicking laurels as you enjoy the most sublime 40 miles of cyclable scenery in the whole goddarned world.
The Moronic is a feast. It took me three days and change to do it the first time. I believe it could be done in a push, maybe even in less than 24 hours, by a super strong swimmer/climber with their transitions dialed.
I’d like to do it again, at some point. It’s brutal but joyous. Step up and go.